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The Only Man He Ever Loved.
Nothing like getting rattled around a little, huh? Wouldn't have been so bad if the jolt hadn't broke that good, good bottle of whiskey that I wished for. And here I thought I'd skipped out on 'be careful what you wish for.' Kinda' bums me out.

But too bad, so sad. Now I just need one of them little squeegey-mops. You know, the kind with the pads and the cleaning fluid inside. They look useful on commercials, at least. I ain't got shit for cleaning. Might want to consider some shelving, too, assuming we ain't officially Earthquake Country.

At least the weather's looking up. Stupid, fucking place.
6 shots or Bang Bang
Funny thing to think on, ages. One weird manipulation later, and I'm a pretty cool guy. It happens now and again, and it's always a little unsettling. Don't like it much.

Does something for remembering, too. She didn't look too much different when we first met, blue-eyed student. Cute little friend of Bill's, another protege for whatever he was plotting with all those fuckin' girls. Puffing Red Apples like it was going outta' style.

Transition's still lost on me, man.

Too bad I didn't get to play, right? I wonder how it would've gone, trying again for a minute.
54 shots or Bang Bang
School's out, school's out,
Teacher let the monkeys out.
One went east, one went west,
One went up the teacher's dress.

Whatever. I had this kid I went to grade school that sang like song like it was a fuckin' radio single. I clocked him when I got sick of it. He told his mom and she told my mom and my momma told her that she was raising her boy to be a damn pussy.

I'll bet he's still a damn pussy. Name was Jodie, I think. Girl's name.

Shit if I didn't finish school, but this's still something like nostalgia. I always did like corrupting those nice girls in their pleated skirts. Too young for me now.
40 shots or Bang Bang
Today would be a good, fuckin' day to carry that big stick everyone's so fond of. Especially if you're the zoo-goin' type.

I only been once, myself, 'cause people said it had some weird shit. But there's weird shit and there's real goddamn ridiculous. Guess which one this is?

Too bad I ain't ever been much for hunting. It'd be a pretty fancy puzzle trying to figure out how to take one of those giant-assed motherfuckers down.
13 shots or Bang Bang
Well, ain't this been a hoot and a half? There're just times when the City gets tired o' thinking of new shit, and so all this muddled garbage comes out. Pain in the ass.

Oh. Shoot... What's-your-name. Um. Shit. Chinese. Xiao... Yan Zi? Xiao Yan Zi! There we go. You! Her.

Here you go.Collapse )

Darlin', ain't he?

And not a word outta' this chump. If it don't work out, oh fuckin' well.
35 shots or Bang Bang
Never was a big fan of pageant queens. Always wondered if they actually thought they could do shit for anybody, for the good of the world. I'd say anybody would think those speeches are a load of horse shit, but beauty girls are usually a whole new level of vacuous. Ain't none of 'em got real cans, neither.

Anyhow, there ain't much about any world that deserves to be saved, I'll bet ya. Sure, there're some real nice, natural wonders, but the people... People suck, man. If they don't suck at first, they'll most likely end up suckin'.

Besides, everything just absolutely thrives on chaos. Fuck peace. You'd all get fuckin' bored outta your mind if peace came by and sat its fat ass down. S'true.

Bah. End of the month. End of January. How're them resolutions holdin' up?
47 shots or Bang Bang
Now all that shit wasn't hard. Y'all just like fussin', and now it's turned you slow. How's that doin' as a status of character?

Can't all be born with it, I guess.

And with that good-natured, lil' rip on yours truly, I gotta confess that I obviously ain't properly up on my gossip. Apparently I miss a helluva fight or three. For shame, man.

We can also mark down one Palace-dweller I'm s'posed to wait on. Nice place looks like it might be destined to a helluva storage space. Waste of architecture.
24 shots or Bang Bang
It's some kinda shit to have a fever and then to wake up days later on the other side of town. Heard what happened, though. Probably puked more than I have any other time of my life. Or, well, any other time during my sentience.

Mickey, you're the only fucker that got me shit for Christmas. Thanks, man. I'll attempt to save it for a special occasion. I didn't actually shop for Christmas this year, but I got a nice bottle of whiskey if you wanna' consider it late for the holiday.

Oh. And I made a new friend or something. Life's very exciting.

Now... I'm supposed to be caterin' to a 'Lady Sylvia,' is what Charming tells me. Problem is, I ain't seen hide nor hair of any 'Lady Sylvia.' Anybody know who this dame is?
51 shots or Bang Bang
Shit. Well, my alarm didn't go off, and I'm pretty sure, by the look of things, that I done overslept. Only question now is: How late am I?

Whatever. I feel like shit, anyway. Charming, be a sweetheart and consider me called in, huh?

Man... I'm kinda' pissed off. It's definitely stopped, that tickin'. No fighting the fuckin' facts. People, though... All of 'em said something freakin' cataclysmic was gonna' happen. And what happens?

... Give up? Fuckin' nothing happens. What's a guy gotta' do for an awesome-as-shit apocalypse in this Purgatory joint?
31 shots or Bang Bang
Well wasn't that cute? All you motherfuckers are real inspiring, talking about how much you love all the shit in your life.

How much you think you lived, huh?

I ain't discounting thankfulness completely, now. Hell, I'm thankful for a little bit, if I think about it hard enough. Just... Man, some of you are saps.

And if your bored, get a fuckin' hobby. Crochet or some shit.
28 shots or Bang Bang